If I can I will
by Stormydee
Summary: Olivia learns that her old partner's son is dying of a rare disease that attacks his immune system. Feeling compelled to do something she offers herself as a donor in attempt to save a little boy's life. Will she be to late? Or is he to far gone?
1. Chapter 1

So be kind, been a while since I've written anything. This is not at all related to my story " I'll give you a Kidney" but I am hoping it is better. I wanted to write one where Elliot had an intact family; as much as I like Elliot and Olivia together. Let me know what you think :)

As always I own nothing, this is a hobby I do for fun, all charactors belong to their creators and writers.

Often she found herself at her desk, looking across at her old partner's. She missed him, they had been a team for twelve years; good and bad. Even though she trusted her new partner and worked with him; it just wasn't the same.

Olivia was forcing herself to focus, she had paperwork for the last week to do. It had been a busy month and getting caught up had been impossible; she was finally close.

" Benson." Olivia turned, the Captain had his head stuck out the door. " My office."

Sighing she pulled herself out of the chair; an hour before she could leave for the weekend. IT had been a long day and she was ready to go home. As the door shut behind her curiosity flickered; all their cases had been fairly straightforward.

" Sit down Olivia, I need to talk to you about something." Cragen told her, rounding his desk and sitting; she did the same.

" What is all this about?" She shifted in her seat.

" There is something I should have, and meant to tell you a while ago. It was a miss-communication. I was supposed to pass this along but I assumed he was going to talk to you." Cragen seemed focused on something on his desk; frustration rose in side of her.

" What is it?"

" Elliot's son is sick, Eli has been diagnosed with a rare illness; he has gotten a lot worse. He is in the ICU at Mercy General. Elliot called me last week and I told him I would pass it on; he has been more or less at the hospital. It doesn't sound like he is going to make it, I'm sorry Olivia; if you need time." HE met her eyes and she knew he was.

" Its okay, mind if I bail out and slip over there? I have the weekend, I'll let you know if I need more." She kept her voice much calmer than she felt. He nodded, she stood and walked out, stopping only to grab her coat; her mind was racing.

Eli Stabler was three, a precious little boy. His older siblings adored him and he had helped his parents mend their relationship. He was a child discovering his world, it wasn't fair if he was sick. Some where inside her auto pilot kicked in , finding a parking spot and wandering through the hospital was automatic; she had done it enough times.

She wandered through to paediatric side of the ICU, stopped by the glass; blocking her entry Wandering down she found a window looking in to a curtained room; a tiny boy lay pale and still in a huge bed. His sisters on either side, holding his hands; her fingers glanced off the glass. She wanted to go wrap all three of them in her arms, especially Maureen and Kathleen; they didn't deserve this. Their family had been through enough.

" Olivia?" A voice behind her made her pivot.

"Kathy, I'm so sorry." She stuttered, the slight woman stepped closer and collapsed against her; crushing her in a hug.

For a moment Olivia just held her, struck that Kathy was in scrubs; she was still working She felt fairly sure her partner's wife had lost weight too.

" We didn't think you were going to come. El called Cragen last week; we didn't know if he would hang on or not."

" I know, I'm sorry; it was a communication error. What happened?"

" Three months ago he had flu like symptoms and it just got worse from there. His immune system has given up The doctors aren't sure they can do much more. Its been hardest on El, he doesn't want to loose his baby. He matches but cant help him because its heredity." Kathy's grip tightened for a moment and then released her slowly.

Suddenly it clicked in her head, the baby needed something. Nodding silently she looked at the child in the bed. A tiny version of her old partner. He was three, the little boy deserved a life; outside of a hospital bed. He had a family that adored him, that had suffered enough. Kathy disappeared down the hall but she stood and watched for a while.

The little boy was thin and frail, not the energetic healthy boy she had seen when she went over for his birthday; before Elliot had left the squad.

Olivia felt a hand on her arm, turning a older nurse stood at her side. The hand shifted to the centre of her back.

" Sad isn't it? I take it you know the family?" The older woman spoke softly, her tone almost motherly.

" Yeah it is, I've worked with his dad for years." Olivia murmured.

" I mentored Kathy when she first started here. They were so excited when he came alone; especially with that delivery. I don't want to watch her lose this kid, I've seen it before but not this time."

" What is happening, can.." She broke off , afraid to ask. " Can anything help him?"

" Have time to chat? I'm due for a break anyway." The woman started to lead her away, expecting the answer. They ended up tucked in a corner of the hospital cafeteria.

" This stays between us, I'm just sick of taking care of dying kids. I know its part of the job but I've been on the job a long time. You only see this once in a blue moon; we had a kid with the same condition a few years ago.

It is a condition that is inherited, could come from either side of the family; and clearly can effect only one child. Its an error in the make up of the immune system The body doesn't recognize its own cell. There are non-specific and specific immunity, some are constantly in the blood stream which sets the tone but can do only a little damage. When the body is fighting an infection more cells are made in reaction and that starts the problem.

The body kills the cells meant to kill the infection, sometimes as it kills its own cells it mutates; these cells don't recognize their own DNA. His immune system has now shut down but it is almost like a tumour now; those cells don't align with the other cells in his body and they can multiply quickly; that is the speciality of the immune system.

His body hasn't dealt with the infection and its has taken over; it will be harder to to deal with now But also after that to right his immune system." Ruth explained, cradling a cup of coffee.

" So for treatment what can be done to help him? Will antibiotics do anything, or blood transfusions?" Olivia asked, her own coffee almost finished; her day had already been long and now she just wished it had never started.

" Possibly, the doctor found a successful one down south where the kid accepted another person's tissues and fluid to fight the infection; the other DNA took over in his immune system. Now he has two strands of DNA and will have to stay on a type of immune-suppressants; but he will live. There is just a long term commitment of the donor; it was an adopted cousin who committed." The woman shrugged seeming unsure.

" It worked then? What is the commitment then?" Olivia perked at the possibility.

" Yes but it was a long slow process; not pleasant at all. Then any time the kid gets sick and his weak immune system starts to work but the donor goes in and supplements it as his body activates the new system and adjusts.

Over time the body adjusts, which it is good at and eventually when there is an infection his body will produce antibodies. They will have a different strain of DNA but will be effective; it will just take time for his body to do this. It may be years before it can respond independently." Ruth replied, her tone frustrated.

" How long? Five, ten years?" Ruth just shrugged. " Correct me if I'm wrong but he is a match to his father?" She got a nod. " If a person was a match to him what are the likely hoods of matching to Eli?" Her hand tightened around her cup.

" Very good if they match Elliot or Kathleen. It is a shame the family can't donate in this case; his dad would have in a heart beat."

" I have the same blood type as Elliot. Would they consider me? I have ties to the family, I was Elliot's partner for twelve years and was there when Eli was born." Olivia asked quietly, the woman's stunned look answered her.

" Yes you likely would. And you would consider being his donor? It isn't a straight up organ transplant, I mean the doctor will go over you with a similar intake exam but it gets complicated. A lot of things could rule you out." Ruth's eyes had lit up.

" I want to try at the very least." Olivia answered,trying to keep her voice calm as her heart raced; she never had that much to do with doctors.

" You need to talk to Dr Miller, Sonya. She will be able to intake you as a donor and explain treatment goals." Ruth stood and Olivia followed suit.

They wove their way through the hospital into a section of offices. Ruth stopped outside a door and the turned on her heel; Olivia knocked.

Let me know if you want me to keep going on this one


	2. Chapter 2

A voice welcomed her. Pushing open the door she glanced a round; and shut the door behind her. The doctor was a tiny woman with dark hair just starting to grey. She eyed Olivia carefully. " You have cop written all over you."

Olivia smiled." I am but that is not why I am here. You are treating Eli Stabler right?"

" I am. Can I ask why you are interested?" She saw a hint of sadness flicker through the woman's eyes.

" He needs a donor and I may be a match I've known the family for years and today I came to visit and got talking to one of the nurses. I know I'm a match to his father, A positive." Olivia replied.

" That is a big part of a match but not all of it. Sit lets talk a moment." The doctor sat and gestured Olivia to the seat opposite her.

" If you are a blood match than there is a good chance you will qualify as a donor. A blood test compared directly to Eli's is the only way to confirm it. DO you know if you have had blood work done here?"Dr Miller asked, reaching for the computer mouse.

" Maybe but it would be several years old." Olivia shifted

" Your full name?"

" Olivia Benson."

There was a long pause as she flipped through records. " If you are serious I need you to sign some forms, consent to the procedure and awareness; as well as one for me to retain you medical records. You were taken in to emerge? Four years ago?"

" Yes."

"Okay just a moment. Here fill those out while I run the program to compare these." A stack of forms and a pen were pushed across the desk to her. There was silence for a while as both women worked through their own details. Olivia scanned each form and signed; some called for a witness but she would get someone for that later.

" The computer says you are a match. We will take an up to date sample to confirm. There will also be a complete history and physical. Then you can be confirmed as a donor. We will run some other tests to check your body's ability to cope with the strain."

" When?" Olivia again steeled her nerves.

" I can arrange it today, if you are willing. I don't like watching that child suffer any more than anybody else. I will take you down for the blood test and get a nurse to take over for vitals. You will have a chest x-ray and MRI then a fairly standard physical, depending on time and results either the nurse or I will ask a history. I need to ask if you have appointed a substitute decision maker?"

" No."

" I would recommend that you do. There may be points when you are not able to make coherent decisions. Of course even in those times anything you say will be considered." The doctor explained.

" I'll take care of it. How long will it be before he can receive treatment?" Olivia forced herself to use a breathing technique she had learned in the academy; and used many times since.

" I'll see how your results look and how he is holding out. We will set you up tonight if everything checks out. At some point I will have felt out a plan of treatment and will explain it to you; either after the physical or after the tests tonight. I would plan to spend the night here." Miller stood and Olivia mimicked; snagging her stack of forms as well.

She was led down to an exam room, a nurse joined them. The doctor took her blood and left, the nurse took over. " I'm Mary I'll take your vitals and stay with you until the doctor comes back."

Olivia nodded and followed the young woman to X-ray and then to the MRI; reality setting in The nurse told her to stay in the hospital gown and led her back to the exam room,

Mary took her blood pressure, heart rate and temperature. As she was told to lay down the doctor was back.

" Mary I'll take over. I need to discuss some things with Ms Benson." The doctor held a thick file and Olivia's stomach clenched.

The nurse left and the doctor went to the desk and sat down; spreading out her file. Olivia started to sit up , the woman was scanning the notes. " No stay put I'm ready."

Standing up the woman put on a pair of gloves and moved beside her. " I have your labs back, they are very good. Your body is at rest, white blood cell count is low; which means your body isnt dealing with an infection its self right now. Blood pressure is a little higher than your charts but I think that may be due to stress. Scans were clear, I see no concerns proceeding."

" That's good then?" Olivia relaxed, feeling a little relieved.

" Yes, its very good. We will see if you feel that way when we are done poking you. Tell me if anything hurts here." She paused, pressing firmly on Olivia's abdomen. " I'm going to finish your exam, and get a nurse to set you up in a room; you can finish your paperwork. We will start a few basic aids tonight and take blood in the morning.

"Okay" Olivia replied, keeping herself in check.

" You can slide down now." The doctor changed her gloves and sat on a stood at the foot of the exam table. " This is just standard procedure.

" I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." Olivia obeyed, not thrilled but remembering how many girls she had stood beside who had to deal with things much worse than this; she had made a choice.

" I don't blame you Want to tell me how you know the Stablers?"

" I was Elliot's, Kathy's husband's, partner for twelve years. I've known all the kids since they were little and I was with Kathy when Eli was born." Olivia forced a smile; thinking of how cute the baby had been.

" Knew there was some connection. I'm done you can change back into you clothes until you get to your room." The doctor pushed her stool back, stripping off the gloves.

Slipping back into her street clothes Olivia took the chair beside the desk The doctor was making notes on a lined pad.

" Olivia I need to ask these questions; they are part of a standard history we take. Do you use any recreational drugs?"

" No."  
>Are you taking any medications?"<p>

" No and I only drink socially, one or two at most." Olivia knew she was reading off a standard issue list; she had seen it.

" Can yo tell me when you had your last drink? Its only routine." The woman gave her a forced smile.

"Last weekend" Olivia met her eyes; they both knew the next questions.

" I assume you are sexually active?" The woman looked down at her page.

" Yes, four months and no." Olivia answered three questions in one.

" Family history, and then I'm done for now." The doctor reached gently for her shoulder before glancing at the page again; Olivia beat her to it.

" I don't know anything about my father; I never knew him Later in life my mother struggled with alcohol but that was trauma related." Olivia flinched, one of the reasons she hated talking to doctors was the topic that always came up; most people didn't know.

" Okay we are going to get you set up. We will be starting and IV and putting in a catheter. You will take a diuretic and be thankful for that catheter. We will run a few more tests."

" What are you doing for Eli?" Olivia asked softly.

" In the morning we will take a unit of blood and a small bone marrow tap. We will discuss it then." The doctor put a hand on her shoulder.

Olivia followed a nurse to her room, changed into the gown. She settle into the bed, fighting her nerves. She almost cried when the catheter was put in; the entire concept did not agree with her.

A code was called in the hall and the nurse left. Olivia reached for the phone; dialling a familiar number. Melinda answered almost immediately.

" Medical Examiner's Office."

" Hi Melinda? Its Olivia I need your help. I'm not hurt but I am at Mercy General; its important."

" I'll come now."

Olivia disconnected, shifting her hips uncomfortably, eyeing the IV. She knew it wouldn't be as bad. Yet it was only a taste of what was to come.

The nurse didn't reappear, when the door opened Melinda slipped in, Olivia recognized the clothes from her friends; she had come straight from work. Silently Olivia watched the woman take in the room before sitting beside her.

" Whats going on Liv?" Melinda's face was written with concern.

" You heard Eli was sick?"

" Yes Chediak- Higashi Syndrome. Its a nasty one. Are you a donor?"

" I'm going to be." Olivia whispered.

" Do you know what you're getting into?" Melinda took her hand.

" No and it scares the hell out of me. But I have to do it."

" Liv" Melinda's voice cracked, Olivia felt her gut twist; her friend had a better understanding of what she was getting into.

" I know. Its just that Elliot has been through enough; that family deserves a break at least once."

" I'll look out for you Olivia, have you told Cragen?" Melinda perked.

" No you don't. If they need to put me under or anything I need someone to make decisions for me. There is some for we both need to sign.

You know what this is, what they need to help him recover; you tell them to take it. Please Melinda, I just want him to be okay."

" Have they given you any treatment plan?" Melinda asked, pulling the chair closer.

" Kind of, I have the catheter in. I get the IV at some point. Tonight I take a diuretic; maybe they start in the morning. At some point the doctor is planning to tel me; she keeps pushing it back."

" She doesn't know what to tell you. I take it her basic plan is hydrate you, get you ready to give fluids. She'll need more once it gets going. Olivia, she may get to a point where he begins to recover; she may ask for an organ.

Olivia this could become a much bigger thing than you think depending on how far gone he is. His body may be able to compensate but even the help may not be able to recover." Melinda paused as the door opened, the doctor entered.

" I'm hoping we are not that far. I'm sorry Olivia there has been some confusion on the floor. How are you feeling?" The doctor's voice was tense; she looked much more tired than earlier.

" I'm alright." Olivia replied softly.

" Good. I'm going to get you IV started Get you to take the diuretic." She paused handing Olivia a small cup. " This will just be a little prick."

Olivia offered her arm, the doctor pushed the needle in, attached the tubing and hung the bag easily. Tossing back the pills she glanced at the IV taped to her forearm. The doctor sat on the edge of the bed Olivia looked at her.

" I'm Melinda Warner, Olivia's asked me to be her substituted decision maker." Melinda interjected.

" Sonya Miller, I'll be overseeing Olivia's care. I have the form here; if you both want to sign it." The doctor reached over for a file folder.

Olivia read and signed the bottom before passing over to Melinda. Sonya continued. " I will outline our plan of treatment now that I've reassessed Eli's condition. He is stable enough to start receiving transfusions. Tomorrow morning we will take blood, bone marrow and a spinal tap. The blood and marrow will go directly to him. I want to run a test on the cerebral spinal fluid; it is mainly a back up.

Then we are going to inject a small amount of the virus he is fighting into you; only the amount of a vaccine.

Your body will react, we will test your immune response. It will feel like a mild flu; your body will start to fight it off immediately."

" In such a wide spread infection, do you think transfusing a few white blood cells will make a difference?" Melinda cut in, clearly surprising Dr Miller.

" No I don't think it will be enough, but it will be a start. And it will give Olivia a taste of what she's getting into." The woman's face had changed to confusion.

" That wont be enough to change the boy's chances. If you were serious about hitting this you would keep her clean, get your fluids for transfusion. Stick her under, IV for fluids and NE line for nutrients.

Push her with the infection the drop her white blood cells in him and let her counts sky rocket; its not an option in a kid but it sure is in an adult. Let her body fight on its own either until he starts to pull up or she starts to give.

Then use the meds, antihistamines or whatever you want. Both will handle the meds. Olivia is no question and if it is coming in off of her cells Eli should handle it Get ready for his crash once Olivia's cells eliminate the infection." Melinda countered forcefully.

" Assuming I don't land both of them in a coma or worse. They are both my patients, I have to consider Olivia's health and future quality of life as much as his." Her face betrayed that the idea had already occurred to her

" Yes but you don't act the child's body wont hold out, he will decompensate fast. He wont hold on forever. You have an option now and I would take it." Melinda replied firmly, in the same tone she often used when delivering nasty facts of certain cases.

She saw the doctor open her mouth again. " Stop both of you. Melinda is a doctor as well and I trust her with my life. If her idea is better than do it. I'll be okay."

" Its not that simple Olivia. Beating the infection is not the hard part with Chediak-Higashi. Beating the infection is not the end of it.

Classic CH is either the infection kills or they pull through on the antibiotics but then their organs shut down. Sometimes its because the immune system never restarts or doesn't recognize its own cells and kill its self." Melinda explained.

" In the successful case the recipient's body accepted two sets of DNA; the child became a chimera. A condition we recently learned can be medically induced. It is complicated and even after this round there could be more." The doctor continued.

" What are his chances of getting through this?" Olivia felt her head starting to spin.

" Better with you but not that great. The treatment needs to be very intensive; much more than I would like. Your friend is right, we have to count on your body being able to kill the infection on its own. So that we can take its response to Eli and then take care of you with antibiotics." The doctor seemed resigned.

" Then there's your answer. You need to do what is best for him. I don't expect this to be comfortable or easy. I'll take it." Olivia replied firmly.

" Alright then, I will look at a more aggressive approach. I will talk it out with Melinda. I want you to have an ECG done; just so we know what your heart rhythm is." The doctor stood and went toward the door.

Thanks for the review... would love to keep hearing from people.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia grimaced, her body felt like lead; stiff and sore. Her head heavy, she was quickly putting together that she wasn't just waking up; she had been drugged. She went to stretch her arms and found a hand blocking them; blearily she opened her eyes.

" Morning Olivia. You just finished with the marrow and spinal taps. Stay still alright?" Melinda's voice was calm and reassuring.

" Okay." She glanced around, noticing that she now had a second IV running from her arm. Apparently she had slept through a bit this morning. " What did they give me?"

" Anaesthetic, they put you under for the procedures this morning; the nurse added it to your IV. They took blood to. This afternoon you start a benzodiazepine regimen, it will keep you comfortable for the most part; they will inject you with the virus. Hopefully you won't remember much of it.

I already spoke to Cragen, he put you on medical leave; Finn promised to come see you. I've taken some vacation time so I'll be here too; you aren't going to be alone." Melinda moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

" I take it you expect me to be feeling really crappy then?" Olivia looked around, hoping there was water somewhere.

" You will. But not so much that as you are my friend Olivia; and so is Elliot. I respect what you want to do and understand it. I want to see both you and Elliot's son come out of this alright." Melinda held her hand.

" I didn't mean to mess up your schedule. I just thought you would know what was going on to be able to make effective decisions. You don't have to be here all the time; you have your family too." Olivia flinched, Melinda was to involved; she had just intended for to have to be called if something went bad.

" No, Olivia. I want to be involved. I'm staying here so I know you are okay. My daughter is old enough to run the house for a while and if not my husband survived as a bachelor while I was in the air force he can do it again.

I spend enough time with the dead, I'd like to be involved in helping the living for awhile; I'm as qualified a doctor as Sonya. My focus is you, and that allows hers to be Eli; it makes it easier. We already discussed it, I'm going to monitor your condition same as she is. Just rest Olivia and for once in your life let someone take care of you. " Melinda smiled at her softly and Olivia nodded.

" Do the Stablers know yet?"

" You aren't going to do this anonymously Olivia. There is no chance of that, hospital's have the worst grape vines. Kathy probably heard before she got off shift last night but I don't think Dr Miller has told them anything officially yet. You don't have to talk them until your ready."

" Its not that, its just what if it doesn't work?" She whispered.

" Olivia, it will. For this round I am sure it will, parts of it are going to be rough. Our questions lie in how to preserve his health in the long term. A few years ago CH was a death sentence, like a lot of disease; now its a game of chance. Don't you worry about that right now okay.

Pull through this and when you wake up we should have a healthier little boy waiting for you. Then we sit down and put a plan together to make sure he doesn't get back to this point again. It isn't simple, lets take it one step at a time." Melinda replied.

Her heart went out to her friend, she knew very few people who would react so strongly to the pain of others. Most were desensitized by daily living and society's view of look out for yourself but Olivia took it one step further; even as a detective she still felt for victims.

Yet she fought it anytime someone tried to look out for her. Olivia picked her fights and went at them alone; at least on a personal level. She had watched it for years, she counted her as a friend and learned to respect her space; it was something she couldn't not quite grasp.

Over the years she had related it to how she was raised, Olivia had been raised in a much different envrionment than she had; and than she had raised her daughter in. She had worked with Olivia for over a year before the woman openly told her of how she came to exist; she had heard the rumor through the building earlier.

Now, even though Olivia was her friend, a woman almost her age, all she wanted to do was mother her; almost as she would her own child. The brunette felt for people but did not see how people felt for her. To most what she had already done this morning would have been a stretch; it was only the beginning.

Holding her hand she fought the urge to shake some sense into Olivia at the one time she had her trapped. She had no doubt the brunette would fight it if she did.

So she had resigned herself to doing what Olivia wanted; only not exactly the way she wanted it. Melinda had explained it to her husband when she got home last night, called Cragen in the morning and cleared her schedule; they would make due without her.

By suppertime tonight Olivia would be dead to the world in her own personal hell; Melinda was going to look after her body. She had dropped down to see Eli, the little guy was in the last leg of the infection; barely hanging on.

She expected Olivia's fever to spike by ten and stay up until it was over; they weren't going to allow her body to kill the infection within its self. The sweats and chills would hit her at some point, once they got the lines in she hoped Olivia wouldn't cough to much. In the morning a blood test would be done to check her counts on a variety of immune cells her body would produce.

Theoretically they should have skyrocketed, they would then take a transfusion of her blood to Eli, effectively counteracting her body's attempt to get rid of the infection. Immunity levels would continue to rise and as long as her vital organs remained stable they would let them, and continue harvesting from them.

The greatest concern was her heart, they would be putting strain on it, balancing her blood pressure between harvests would be key. Melinda had brought a few of her own things in a bag she'd tucked under Olivia's bed; she didn't need to see.

A nurse came in and changed one of the IV bags, injecting something into the line; Melinda assumed the doctor was ready to start. She stayed on the edge of the bed as Olivia drifted off; then lowered the bed. Took out her bag and took her own set of vitals; blood pressure, heart rate and respiration rate.

Ten minutes later the doctor showed up, Melinda gave her a slightly forced smile. " How's Eli this morning?"

" He perked a little after the transfusion; his vitals are stronger. How is she?" The woman set several boxes on the tray table.

" Out cold now, what is she on?" Melinda asked, moving back to her chair.

" Thiopental bolus and a low dose midozolam drip to keep her under. I'm going to intubate her and then start. At midnight we will get a sample for the labs; we'll collect when they're up." Sonya explained, pulling on a pair of gloves.

Melinda nodded, she knew the procedures but watching a friend go through them was not pleasant. The woman easily began to feed the long tube into Olivia's throat; attaching it to the oxygen unit. A piece of tape secured it in the edge of her mouth.

She winced as the woman prepared the nasogastric tube. The drugs they were using on Olivia paralyzed, keeping her still for the procedures and the duration of the infection; it was both kind and cruel. Once the bolus of pain killer wore off she would not be able to see what was being done to her but she would feel it; and hear what was being said.

Melinda reached forward and gently lifted Olivia's head, positioning it for the insertion, when the doctor rotated the tube she tilted it back and the tubing disappeared quickly. Gently letting her friend's head rest back again she watched as it to was secured.

The doctor cleaned up and prepared an injection. It disappeared into Olivia's skin and the doctor prepared to leave. " If you don't mind I'll look after her."

Sonya Miller paused, she wasn't sure whether she was being assessed or pitied. " My nurses need to chart her, I'll ask Ruth to take day shift with her; you two will get along."

She nodded, as the woman left quickly. Olivia hadn't really reacted yet, it was as good a time as any to go and see Eli. She made her way down to where Eli was, the curtain was open; she couldn't go in but she could look. Melinda really hoped that little boy would be looking better by the next time Olivia was able to come see him.

Elliot was sleeping in the chair with his back to her and Kathy was curled up next to the little boy; a bright red IV ran into his arm. Olivia's blood was running into the child's body, hopefully preparing it for the fight of his life.

" Ms Warner?" A small voice came from behind her.

" Kathleen. Sweetie are you okay?" The girl's eyes were red and her body seemed to tremble.

" No, the doctor came to talk to mom and dad this morning; alone. I, I don't think they can do anything else for him." The girl's voice was cracking badly as she finished; terrified of her own words. Melinda wrapped her in a hug and she broke down.

Easing her down she rested Kathleen's head against her chest and let the girl cry; leaning against the wall. People continued to hurry by, no one stopped to ask; outside peds ICU there was only one reason. She waited, wondering how long the girl had held her composure.

" Kathleen that's not what the doctor came to talk about. Stand up okay?" Melinda mostly pulled her to her feet, the girl didn't look at the glass; her parents were still asleep. " Your brother has a new IV, the doctor has found something she can do for your brother."

" How? Last week..." She broke off staring silently. Melinda's heart pulled, she wanted desperately to just tell her ; but she couldn't be sure Dr Miller had told her parents. Glancing around she looked for anyone who might know.

Her eyes locked on the nurses station, Dr Miller had just walked up; she was checking something on the computer. The doctors head tilted up and then she nodded; Melinda pulled her arms tighter around Kathleen. Olivia and Kathleen had history, Olivia had been able to reach her a few years ago because she wasn't afraid to be hated to help her; as her father was.

" Will you walk with me. I can maybe explain it." She guided the girl away, if she was going to see Olivia before this was over than this was the best time.

" Was that blood in the IV line? Don't you work for the morgue?"

" I do, but I'm on vacation. I'm here helping a friend. It is actually related to your brother. Look I don't want to shock you but I want you to know that everyone is doing everything they can for your family; no one want's Eli to die." They were rounding the corner to Olivia's room.

She sniffed a couple times. " I don't know if anything can really change it."

" Yes it can, it already is. C'mon." Pushing open the door she guided Kathleen into the room.

The door closed as the girl realized who was in the bed, Melinda let her go and she backed into the door. " Olivia, no, not her too."

" Olivia is healthy. A blood test proved that she is a match to your brother. It's her blood in his IV. The doctor found a way to help him; through her." Melinda offered her a hand.

" Come here. Feel." She pulled the reluctant girl forward, placing her hand on Olivia's chest. " She is okay."

" Her heart beat is strong, but she has all kinds of tubes." Kathleen whispered, Melinda eased her into the chair beside the bed; sitting on the edge herself.

" The tubes are to make sure she is getting enough nutrients and fluids for two people. You know Olivia doesn't give up on the things she starts. Her body is fighting the same infection as your brother's but her immune system is strong; it will wipe it out.

The doctor is using that to kill the infection in your brother too. They are going to take her blood, it has the antibodies in it to fight germs and give it to your brother; she isn't going to get better until he does." Melinda watched her finally look at Olivia, scan her face look at the IV s running from her arms.

" She doesn't look sick, she looks like she is asleep." Kathleen spoke softly.

" Not quite, when your brother got sick it was slower, the virus worked its way into his blood stream; it was injected directly into hers. The doctor gave her a medication to help keep her a little more comfortable; especially as they need to be able to run tests on her as needed. You can talk to her, she can hear you but she can't move, its safer for her. You know if you need to talk about anything Olivia will always listen; this wouldn't change that." Melinda rubbed her arm, watching the girl relax ever so slightly.

" What about next time? He can get sick from anything; his body cant stop it." Kathleen reached for Olivia's hand; clinging to it.

" Olivia doesn't give up on people, she will be there and they will stop it before it gets this bad; the doctor will find a way to make it work. Why don't you talk to her. I'll give you some privacy." She knew the girl needed to unwind, tension and strain showed on her.

Melinda slipped out of the room, opening the curtain first; she wasn't going far. Just far enough to let a young woman talk to someone she trusted. She wandered up and down the hall for a bit; when she looked back in she smiled a little.

It had probably been a long time since Kathleen had been at ease enough to sleep. The girl had crawled in with Olivia and curled up; almost like her mother had been downstairs. Gently she took Olivia's wrist and checked her forehead, a fever was definitely setting in.

She wasn't to worried about Kathleen, Olivia would more or less skip the contagious stage; the girl needed the sleep. Melinda settled back into the chair, finding her book she attempted to read; but her mind didn't want to focus.

Ruth slipped in a hooked a nutrient solution to Olivia's feeding tube, checked her blood pressure and made a few notations on her chart. Moving carefully around Kathleen she didn't make a comment, gesturing that Melinda follow her to the hall.

"Olivia's fever is spiking, I'll put some face clothes in the bathroom. I'll take a blood sample but we may be moving faster than planned." Ruth informed her calmly.

" Okay, I'll stay the night with her. Kathleen may stay for a while too. When the sweats start I'll kick the girl out but for now I think she's getting more comfort than she has since this started." She glanced into the room, the young woman looked so young; to young for the strain she was dealing with.

" She has hardly left the hospital, none of them have. The only ones who aren't here almost all the time are Elisabeth and Dickie and that's because they're still in school. Maureen and Kathleen are done college for the year." Ruth glanced in to the room too. " We'll leave her be as long as we can, if Kathy asks about her I'll tell her where she is and discourage her from coming up."

" I am right in guessing that Dr Miller released Olivia's identity to them?"

" Yes, but it wouldn't have mattered, they would have heard eventually; Kathy works here. You told her?" Ruth nodded her head towards the girl on the bed.

" She thought the doctor was telling her parents her brother was going to die. Kathleen and Olivia have history, they know each other; I thought it would help reassure her that her brother was going to be okay." Melinda shrugged, whether the nurse approved or not it was done.

" It worked, she felt safe enough to sleep. We do have to move her out when Olivia starts to show." The older nurse looked at the floor, Melinda knew what she was thinking.

The nurse disappeared down the hall and Melinda went back into the room ; Kathleen snuggled closer to Olivia. Melinda reached out to touch her friend's forehead, Olivia was probably the equivalent of Kathleen's personal heating pad.

She got a cool cloth from the bathroom and washed Olivia's face, not a true attempt to bring the fever down but more to keep her friend slightly comfortable. Ruth slipped in, stacked cloths in the bathroom and took a blood sample; then increased the fluid IV in Olivia's arm.


	4. Chapter 4

Time melted away, Olivia struggled to make sense of it. She could hear people talking, recognize voices. Mostly talking over her, about her; occasionally to her. Mostly Melinda, her voice was constant, she learned to recognize Melinda's touch as well; confident and gentle.

Her body was her jail and she wasn't sure how to escape, she was pricked with needles, and prodded. The only thing that felt nice was when they pressed clothes to her forehead; it felt like she was burning alive. She wanted to reach out, to ask what was happening, if anything was working; if it was going to get worse.

Yet she didn't she let time flow, different people came and went. Some touching her, feeling her wrist, squeezing her arm; doing their jobs. Others came and sat with her, Finn came when she was alone; Melinda wasn't there when he was. He held her hand and washed her face; mostly he stayed quiet.

As time passed she felt worse, her stomach tied in knots and her body ached. People talked over her, she wanted to reach up and remind them to talk to her. The conversation floated over her, until later Melinda would sit and talk to her. Smooth clear words, calm safe voice; it was strange how people seemed so different when you couldn't look at them or react to them.

Melinda's updates and Finn's visits helped her chart time in her haze. One time Eli's vitals were more stable, his colour better. Then he's starting to cough again, it became a productive cough by the next update; there was always time in between the snippets of understandable news.

A smaller voice, familiar yet distant; talking to her about life. Boys, the hospital and pain; one of the Stabler girls. Her stomach coiled tight, and not from her body; from something else. It took time to place her, the girl crawled in the bed with her; hand resting above her heart. Eli woke up that day, breathing on his own; tears soaked a spot on her gown.

Melinda's voice was next, it was Kathleen curled against her; she cringed for not recognizing her voice. They were stopping the drugs, she could wake up; she would feel like crap. She needed to stay still and calm, she couldn't panic; the drugs would wear off in the next few hours. Her throat was going to be sore, she had a tube in her nose; she wasn't to touch it.

Kathleen told her Eli was sleeping, her parents were with him; her mom was holding him. He looked better, skinny but better; he smiled at her. The girl's voice vibrated through her, staying beside her until Melinda told her to get out of the bed; talking over her.

Olivia didn't like the words that came next, she would be going through with drawl; it could be nasty. Her friend urged Kathleen to go and see her brother and Olivia willed her to do that; but the girl held her ground.

Soon she felt it, she had never played with drugs, occasionally she'd had a bit to much to drink. But it felt worse than any hangover she could even imagine. Her body burned, then she was cold; she wanted to throw up.

Part of her wanted to sleep. Her whole body ached for the dullness of the drug that was quickly fading. Olivia groaned or tried, hoping for a deep breath. A hand pressed on the back of her neck; lifting her head.

Her eyes opened against the harsh hospital lights; slowly faces came into focus. Melinda was beside her, supporting her head. Kathleen was in the chair on the other side. Struggling to orient herself Olivia raised a hand, relieved it finally moved, to touch her own arm.

Two IV s were attached to her forearm, hospital band around her wrist. Her fingers wandered up, touching her face the side of her mouth was tender; she found the tube in her nose.

" Leave it be Olivia." A hand took hers, pulling it away.

She tried to protest but a strange sound came from her throat, it ached; her mouth was gravelly and dry. " Your throat will be sore for a while; don't try and talk right now. We have a white board for you." Melinda put her hand in her lap and set a white board and marker with it.

'Can I have some water?' Her writing was jerky, her hand was trying to cooperate.

Melinda reached behind her, picking up a cup. " Open your mouth,I'll wet your mouth but you're getting all the fluid you need right now."

Olivia opened her mouth obediently, letting her friend wipe the water around inside her mouth. Melinda set the cup aside and sat on the edge of the bed.

" How are you feeling?" The woman reached out, pushing her hair behind her hear; Olivia shivered.

'Crap.' She wrote, slightly unnerved by how comfortable Melinda was touching her.

"I don't doubt it. You're on an antibiotic drip now, you'll start to feel better soon." Offering an encouraging smile.

" How long was I out?" Her writing was getting better, her hand seemed to remember how to respond.

" Nine days, we stopped your drip this morning. Eli woke up for a little bit last night and this morning. He is doing a lot better now, you'll start to feel better to." Melinda told her calmly, gently squeezing her knee.

" He looks better too, he's still skinny but he doesn't look as bad. He gets to try jello tonight; they took the tube out of his throat and stuff too." Kathleen was so excited.

'That's really good.' She meant it, she was really glad that he was doing better; and that Kathleen was so excited.

" They won't say when he can go home yet but they told us he gets to." Kathleen grinned.

' Why are you still up here? You should go see your brother.' She wrote, she wanted to talk to Melinda for a few minutes.

" Cuz he is sleeping and everybody else is down there. But I'll go wander for awhile. Can I come back later?" Kathleen asked, rolling her eyes.

" Of course hon. Just give us some time." Melinda answered, chuckling slightly. Kathleen slipped through the door and Olivia glanced at her. " That's the excuse I've been using to get rid of her. If you want to try your voice go ahead; your throat may be sore."

" Ugh. It feels weird." It didn't hurt as much as it sounded strange, her throat was so dry.

" Its because of the naso tub, you need to keep it in a few more days. The nutrients going in are enough for you and Eli; at least we are trying to balance it." Melinda explained, Olivia nodded.

" Can I have some water?" She asked again.

Melinda hesitated, considering her quietly. " Alright but I'll need to pull the tube out and then put it back."

" Can you do that?" Olivia asked, not sure if it should be touched.

" Its simple to do." Melinda stood, put on a pair of gloves and pulled the tray table close.

Olivia watched her, Melinda sat back on the bed, she felt the tape peel off her cheek and then the tube started to move. A hand behind her neck guided her head back and the tube came free; she was suprised by how long it was.

" Okay, have a drink; slowly." Melinda cautioned.

She took a small sip, struggling to swallow it. Still it soothed her throat, she took a couple more sips; her throat feeling better.

" Not too much or you'll make yourself sick." Melinda warned, obediently she took one last sip and set the glass back on the table. Melinda cupped her chin, tipped her head back and guided the tube into her nose. Olivia didn't like the feeling.

" Swallow Olivia." Her friend instructed calmly as the tube slipped into place.

" My throat doesn't feel as bad." Olivia told her, her throat really did feel better.

" I know but you sound horrible." Melinda chuckled, stripping off her gloves and rummaging through a bag for something. " Take a few deep breaths, I want to be sure I got it in the right place."

She obeyed, Melinda pressed the stethoscope to her chest, moving side to side, up and down. " Good I got it into the esophagus.

" How do you know that?"

" If I put it in your trachea it would be hard to take deep breaths and I would hear the drip in between your respirations."

"Okay." She didn't really want to think about it, her fingers wandered back up to the tube, exploring where it was taped; turning her head to see a bag hanging above her head. Following the line she caught her arm on the lines running from her chest to a monitor by the bed; they had her hooked up to everything.

" As long as the drip is on we don't lay you flat, and they are giving you medicine so we need to monitor your heart. Not to mention the strain on your body from being sick and repetitively losing blood.

The drip runs constantly to up the nutrients to compensate what we take; blood is the major carrier for the body. You are going to notice a difference in yourself when you get up moving and look in a mirror. But what you see missing from yourself hopefully we'll see on Eli." Melinda told her calmly.

"Meh, I wanted to lose ten pounds." She joked lightly, hoping Melinda would smile.

" Ten pounds are long gone. Its just not so healthy to loose weight this fast; especially when you don't have it to lose. You've been sick your body could have used your stores. " Melinda told her seriously.

" How bad do I look?"

" Scrawnier than usual and you sound horrible; nothing a real meal wouldn't fix." The door opened and Munch stepped in.

" Thanks John, you offering to cook?" She smiled as co worker surveyed the room, Fin followed him in.

" Not a chance, I'd probably kill you."

" Sorry Liv, his manners have been worse than usual lately; he's forgot how to knock too." Fin stepped around Munch and sat on the end of her bed. " Its good to see you awake."

" I'm glad to be awake again, I don't like being drugged."

" You should be glad of it, have you seen the number of holes they've poked in you? Melinda has not only let it happened but put a few in herself. Just look at your arms." John asked, pulling the chair around and settling in it.

She glanced down at her arms, two Ivs in one, the other had a needle taped in place; a little blue cap hanging from it. There were other marks along side them, the marks were clean and healing; but she had seen nicer ones on some junkies.

" The port went in so we didn't have to poke you every time we took blood for testing; it came out a few times. Plus it is to small for the needle used to take a unit; the amounts taken for Eli. We've cycled those sites

Depending on the long term plan for Eli you may have one put in permanently. I'll talk about it with you later. They are clean, they'll heal up and you wont even be able to see them; your body's response is just a little delayed." Melinda answered her silent question.

" A permanent hole, just what you need. Better not get it in your arm or some perp will use it against you." John added.

" They'll heal, I'm not worried about it." She brushed it off, wondering just how bad she looked.

" You'll be fine Olivia. Ignore him, there haven't been enough of us around the squad to subdue him; the rookies are still intimidated by him. Don't know why, he's mostly a mouth piece." Fin rolled his eyes as John's mouth opened again.

" They just have some respect for their more experienced co workers." John stated.

Fin snickered. " More like their senior co workers. I need you back Olivia before the 'respect' goes to his head and he makes me crazy."

She laughed, she heard the strange sound her throat made but her friend's banter was entertaining. The last thirteen years of her life had been more or less spent with these people; they were her family.

The guys stayed for a bit longer before pagers went off and they left, grumbling about rookies and case loads. A nurse appeared shortly after and put a needle in near the port in her arm. She compared the needle size, the new one was slightly larger; attached to a big enough back. She watched it fill with blood, the nurse waited for it to fill and then left; seemingly in a hurry.

Melinda stood and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm. She waited until her friend was done; she explained with the ease of a doctor. " The amount of blood we take can compromise your blood pressure and cause a whole host of problems; I chart it every time we collect."

" Isn't that the nurses job?"

" The doctor and I have an understanding. I let them do their thing and I do mine; it works well. I know what I'm doing Olivia." Melinda lay a hand on her knee, she instantly felt guilty.

" I know that. I just, I didn't mean it to sound like that."

" Relax honey I know. I don't mind taking care of you and I know this is about the only time you let anyone do it. So I'll do my part, plus I'd rather take care of a friend for a little while and spend some time around the living; I get sick of the dead sometimes." Melinda reassured her, it didn't over power the guilt she felt; her friend had been taking care of her.

" I'm sorry."

" Don't worry about it. C'mon Olivia just relax." Melinda dropped into the chair beside her.

The doctor entered, cutting off their conversation. " Good afternoon Olivia. It's good to see you awake?"

" Yea, nice to be awake; off the drugs." She replied.

"Good. So I know you have probably heard Eli is doing better, his body isn't reacting to your cells. His immune cells have had no reaction, yours have replicated a few times according to our blood work ups. It looks like his body is accepting the treatment; only time will tell." The doctor was checking the IV s in her arm, the port and the healing punctures.

" Now I know you are awake, feeling okay and are an active person but I need to stress the importance of staying in bed. We have drawn a large amount of blood over the course of the last few days; that can be very dangerous. You need to be monitored for iatrogenic anaemia among other things.

We have done what we can, the draws can be slowed now. You will not have another one for the next two days; unless there are extenuating circumstances. As you start to recover you will feel it. You got him over the hump; his body was strong enough to maintain function after the boost. In a few days we will test your blood again and figure out how long you need to stay." Sonya signed off on the chart and turned to leave.

Olivia watched, confused again; she felt okay. She was still warm and her head was a little fuzzy but other than that she felt okay. " What does she mean I will start to feel it?"

" Olivia the drug cocktails we have been feeding you have kept you comfortable. Monitoring your blood pressure, sugar and pulse have helped but we have put tremendous stress on your body. We have drawn almost half the amount of the blood in your body over the last week and a half; likely we will still take more.

Equipment and medicine took over almost all of the functions they could, putting your body to rest, keeping your nutrition up and breathing for you. We did that because it will take time for you to heal. With time your bone marrow will produce the blood cells and recover. You still need to recover from the infection, the antibiotics will help." Melinda explained calmly.

" But its not like I had surgery or anything. What is iatrogenic anaemia?"

" Medically induced anaemia, caused by doctors taking to much blood making you iron deficient; not by diet. It would almost be easier if you had surgery, more invasive but less stressful. Messing with the body's fluid levels is dangerous.

If you had lost that much blood with out the fluid push, drugs and other aids you would have died. Normally the time between donations is a month. As an adult your bone marrow has slowed in producing blood cells; it will it just needs time.

Everything will be done to help you do that, still you are going to feel it eventually. Dizzy, weak maybe nauseous; its part of the reason your colour is so bad. We'll keep you moving in bed, turning you and stretching your legs; you're going to really feel it when we get you up and moving." Melinda squeezed her arm.

" When can I get out of bed?"


	5. Chapter 5

" Olivia you need time to recover. You need to stay in bed until they agree you can come off the tubes. Even then you can't do anything strenuous, any sudden change in your blood pressure could make you lose consciousness." Melinda bargained.

" Last time I checked taking a shower wasn't strenuous." Olivia mumbled.

" For you it is. Olivia you are hypotensive; your blood pressure is lower than usual. Stand up and you may pass out. Look in a couple days I'll help you take a shower." Her friend's voice softened; she heard the strain in it.

" I don't want help. I want to take care of myself." Olivia sighed, feeling down.

" You need help Olivia, would you rather me, or a nurse you don't know? You aren't going to be doing anything by yourself for awhile." Melinda's hand closed around her arm.

" I would rather you, but its embarrassing to think about; either way." She shivered.

" I know it is Olivia and I will do everything I can to respect your privacy; I promise you that. But I also know what to watch for. I can help you Olivia." Melinda's hand tightened around her arm.

" What are they going to want to do in the long run? Is this going to have to happen every time Eli gets sick?" She dropped the conversation, swallowing her pride; she was thankful for a friend who cared enough to stand up to her.

" This bought him years, in those years a cure may be found; great steps have been made in the last ten. Before that it was a death sentence, now there is preventative care and with a donor manageable symptoms; you gave him a chance. If you stick with him he'll be okay unless his organs give out." Melinda moved to the bed, her eyes serious.

" I'm forty four, he is three; I'm only going to be around so long, isn't there anything that can be done? Permanently?" Olivia's eyes roved her face.

" They will put a port in you, into a major vein, they will put it in surgically and it will sit just below her skin. Doctors can use it to draw blood, if he gets sick they will get blood easily." Melinda explained.

She kept her mouth shut, she wasn't sure what to think. She had no problem with the procedures, or hanging around until they found something to do with him. Melinda stayed quiet, allowing Olivia's mind to wander. Slowly she drifted to sleep.

When she woke the room was empty, Melinda was gone. Olivia glanced around, her gaze catching a glimpse of a shadow at the window; her old partner. Their eyes met, holding eye contact for a long moment and he stood at the glass looking in.

She watched him as he watched her, they just looked at each other for a long time; until he slipped away. Her heart twisted, she wasn't sure what to think; she stared at the window for a long time. Olivia finally looked down at her hands; she didn't know what to feel.

The door opened a crack, her eyes flew up. Her old partner eased into the room; his stance told her she was he was uncomfortable. He hovered at the end of her bed, not looking at her face, glancing up at the lines from her arm. Finally he took the chair across from her bed.

She opened her mouth, then didn't know what to say. Olivia sat in silence watching him, Elliot looked pale and tired, he had lost weight too. He looked older, he'd aged since the day he'd been sleeping in Eli's room; since he left the squad.

" Liv, I don't know what to say." His voice was barely a whisper.

" Start with you really look like crap and finish with why you're here in the middle of the night." Olivia told him, hoping to get a smile.

" I was hoping you would be sleeping, Kathleen told us you woke up this morning. Liv I honestly I don't know what to say. I'm supposed to take care of my family and I couldn't; I couldn't help my son. I can't thank you, and I can't repay you." Elliot moved closer to the bed.

" You're my family El, I'm not going to watch one of your kids die and not do anything." She sighed, his eyes were sad; a shadow of the man she knew.

" Olivia my son was on his death bed two weeks ago; I couldn't do a damn thing for him. I didn't even have the guts to call you , its my my old partner who saves him. I'm supposed to come in here and talk to you like we're meeting for coffee after a shift?" The pain in his face made her want to cry.

" No, but I'd like to talk to you. I've barely seen you since you left the squad."

" And this is the time and place to do it?" His voice held some of its old sarcasm.

" Best we've got seeing as they aren't going to let me out of this bed any time soon. Have you even gone home since he got sick?" She smiled, pushing herself up in the bed.

" Only when Kathy told me I stank, went home to take a shower; catch a nap. These chairs aren't to bad to sleep in. I just couldn't leave him; couldn't help him either." Elliot sighed scrubbing his face with a hand.

" Of course you stayed here, between Eli and I the nurses be loosing it with our guests; no respect for visiting hours what so ever." She offered her hand.

" Meh, he's my kid; I don't really care what they think. Finn doesn't either and Melinda just made friends who let her do what she wanted." Her stunned look made him smile; and then falter. " I came, stood at the window; I hate seeing you here."

" I'm fine El, worry about your kid; Melinda is worrying over me. I'll be out of here soon enough." She told him, he moved closer and took her hand.

" Liv, I, can I just say thank you. There is no way to thank you Liv I just need to say that." He squeezed her hand.

" Then we've had this conversation; it doesn't need to come up again. Honestly El, how are you doing?" Blue eyes stared at her, flooded with relief.

" Been better, ready to go home; sleep in a bed. Kathy thinks they'll let us take him home end of the week." Elliot moved closer, it was as if he was getting to know her again; settling on the edge of her bed.

" So that's what four days? Hows Kathy doing?"

" Its six, today's Monday. She's kept busy, worked right through it; they let her take Eli as one of her patients. Its been hard on her, having the other kids there though helps her a little I think; she was driving Kathleen up the wall." He smiled a little.

" I think she was up here a lot. I heard her, she told me how Eli was doing, and talked to Melinda; I think she may have been in the bed a couple times." She was fairly sure it was Kathleen; or at least one of his girls.

" Yea, she spent the night in your bed a couple times, Melinda has been taking care of her; took her home tonight. I think she felt crowded being downstairs with everybody; she needs her space sometimes. She updated us on you." Elliot cocked his head, looking her up and down; eyeing the IV s and tracks in her arms.

" What how out of it I was and how many holes they put in me?"She was relieved to her him chuckle.

" Among other things, you've helped her through this; more than either her mom or I could. She doesn't trust us like she used to." He sighed.

" There was a time when she hated me more."

" Yea only because you bailed me out, locked up my kid for me."

" Better she spent the time hating me than you; I didn't have to live with her. How's she doing in school?" Olivia laughed, the tube made the rough noise in her throat again; Elliot stiffened.

" Getting through, she'll be done in two years; just in time for the other two to start. My wallet is going to hate me then." Elliot rolled his eyes, slowly her partner was surfacing from the man who was struggling so much.

" You'll get them all through; they are growing up into good people El." She squeezed his hand.

" Yea, what about you, what were you doing before you got caged up in here?" He looked down before deflecting to a question on her.

" Not much, working and going home to sleep occasionally; its hard without you. But the two rookies they got are decent, they're learning. Young though, makes me feel old; being there thirteen years." She was almost glad she was here, to have a life outside of the job; however strange it was.

" What about me? I hung around almost twenty, you know there are times when I miss it; really doing something for people. And then there are others that I'm glad I got out. You know I was getting home for supper every night? Thought it might give Kathy a heart attack after a straight week." They both chuckled, knowing the strain the job had put on his marriage.

" The rest of us are hanging in for awhile, wouldn't work, a whole new squad; losing one is hard enough. They replaced you with two newbies. Takes time to get good at the job." She shrugged.

" It does, but then you wish you weren't; when you can just tell what the perp did and not need to be told. Look, I should let you sleep; didn't mean to bug you tonight." He stood, dropping her hand, the hesitancy in his stance again.

" Not like I'm missing much; not doing anything to tire myself out."

"True but if I leave you here in the dark you probably will fall asleep. I'll see later Liv. "He smirked as he turned for the door, she watched him go silently.


	6. Chapter 6

His child was still so tiny in the hospital bed, he had improved in the last two weeks but it would take months for him to be back the way he was. It had taken a month for him to end up like this. All he had been able to do was watch.

Everyday he watched his son fade, slipping closer and closer to death. His kids came and went, Kathleen and Maureen staying the most. Kathy flitted about, using work to keep herself busy; getting put on Eli's care.

Elliot hadn't been able to manage that, he'd taken a parental leave to stay with his son. Slowly building his own cage in the room with his son. He watched the little boy slip away, losing weight and getting sicker until he couldn't stay conscious.

His sisters stayed with him, it hit Kathleen the hardest. He watched her pace, just like him she struggled with watching the Eli get sicker. They were both a match to Eli but because they were related to him they were not practical; could make it worse for him.

He'd wanted the support of his unit, to new in the precinct he'd reached out to SVU. Cragen had promised to pass the news on but the unit was as crazy as ever; especially with two rookies. When Olivia got the news she reacted as only Olivia would.

He loved and hated that about his old partner. She was tough but kind, long ago had decided she hated being alone but accepted it. She had respected his family for twelve years, Kathy had spent about six jealous as hell; almost cost him his marriage. Still every time one of his children was in trouble she was there.

No matter what she was there. When Kathleen was losing it he'd screwed her only chance at getting out of jail without accepting her condition; a feat he didn't think possible. Olivia made it possible, and keeping the exact how a secret; one of many she would probably take to her grave for his daughter.

Next thing he hears Kathy's seen her in the hall while he's taking a nap, that night the floor gossip is Eli has a donor. By morning the doctor is down to tell them to start hoping again.

Kathleen was asked to leave when Dr Miller came to speak to them, she never came back. He found her that night, curled in Olivia's bed; he stood at the window for a long time. His daughter sought the comfort of his partner, not him or her own mother, when she couldn't cope with thought of losing her brother.

It hit him like a shot in the gut. His partner had helped his daughter learn to live with a mental disease, now she was going to help his son live. A tube in her mouth, breathing for her, in her nose, to feed her and Eli. IV s in her arms, a bag pulling blood from her body; Eli's best chance at life.

He stood at the window for an hour, just watching. She didn't look like herself at all, the hospital gown fit her loosely, sheets tucked around her; she'd lost weight. Someone had brushed her hair back from her face and one of the lines was running a drug that was keeping her under.

Her face wasn't meant to look that relaxed, Olivia's face was expressive but now it was blank. He hated it, anger and frustration boiled inside him; there was no way to repay this. No way to forget it, every time he looked at his child he also looked at his partner; the reason he was alive.

Every night he went up and watched her for a little while, she faded fast, her skin paled and she lost weight. Half the time Kathleen was there, either curled in the bed with her or on the chair. Most of the time Melinda was there and that he understood.

Olivia and Melinda had been friends for years, Olivia had saved Melinda's life a little over a year ago. Not something Melinda would easily forget but also not something Olivia would recognize. His partner liked to take care of herself, she had for her entire life; she rarely let people take care of her.

His memory betrayed him, the times she had protected him, watched his back and he had responded with anger. She always took it, got ticked at him but only twice in twelve years had she left; once hadn't really even been her choice. She had taken the brunt of his anger to many times.

He wouldn't give it to her this time, he just had to cope with it. He was glad she was helping his son but it was incredibly frustrating. He felt guilty for wishing she wasn't involved but if she wasn't he wouldn't be able to watch Eli grow up.

Nine days he spent waiting and watching, he slept by Eli's bed and slipped up to the window of Olivia's room each night. Quite often Finn was there, they didn't need to say anything; understood the other. Olivia was Finn's friend as much as she was his; both men knew the woman and respected her. Fin respected his need for space, to try to cope.

When Kathleen told him she was awake he shivered. It was hard enough looking at her when she was drugged out but facing her was something else. Yet he owed it to her to go, he watched her for a long time before she woke up; his stomach had sunk to the floor.

It had been uncomfortable to see her, talk to her; look at her. Olivia was a tough strong woman; she looked so delicate in that bed. Fragile, the tube still in her nose, in her arm; not the woman he worked beside for twelve years.

Still every night he was drawn back to her room, watching as the tubes thinned out and her colour returned. He pushed his visits back later, for the next week when he went up she was asleep; it was easier.

It was also wrong as Kathleen had no problem reminding him. Eli was getting better everyday and asking his questions; he was feeling better. The little boy wanted to get out of bed, it made him want to cry; two weeks ago the child didn't want to move.

Right now his son was working on a bowl of jello; Elizabeth was helping him. The kids were all glad their brother was going to be okay; as was his wife. Kathy had the chair on the other side of the bed, watching the kids on the bed; four of them.

Dickie and Maureen were on the end of the bed and Elizabeth was beside Eli; Kathleen was off somewhere. Still his family was together, the kids were smiling. He hoped someone was with Olivia, that she wasn't alone.

Suddenly a little hand reached for his, pulling him from his mind. Jello was gone and Eli was in Elizabeth's lap; reaching for his hand. " Daddy."

" What's up Eli?" He smiled at his son, the little boy was pulling himself towards his lap.

" When can I go home?" Both arms reaching for him to pull him into his lap.

" Soon buddy, the doctor just wants to make sure you are okay." He scooped up his son, settling the little boy into his lap; the port in his arm shifting.

" Mommy take care of me." He smiled, squirming to look up at him.

" No, mommy needs a little help taking care of you. We will all go home soon; when we are sure you are okay." Elliot ruffled the little boy's curly hair.

" Wha bout Livia?" The words startled him, he glanced at Kathy; she was as surprised as he was.

" Olivia will be going home soon too. How come you're worrying about her?" Glancing around Maureen was very interested in the bed sheets.

" Maurie and Leen said she was here too." He used his nick names for his sisters; the same ones he had been using since he first learned to speak.

" What did they tell you?" He glanced at his oldest daughter who looked at him sheepishly.

" She making me better. It make her sick too. Is she better?" He reassured Eli, those big blue eyes looking so intently into his.

" He was asking yesterday, he wanted to know what the doctor did to make him feel better. Kathleen told him Olivia was making him better because his body couldn't fight bugs but hers could because she was bigger.

When he asked why I just told him it was because she loved us cuz' she worked with you and you love us and tell her stuff. We didn't know what to say and we didn't want to lie; you guys were downstairs with the doctor." Maureen admitted guiltily.

" They just wanted to help Dad, we were scared and we know Olivia; she wouldn't mind." Elizabeth added, sitting next to her sister; same blue eyes asking him not to get mad.

" I know its okay, we just wanted to tell him later; and make sure he was ready. But I think he took it okay, right buddy?" He glanced at Eli, who was still looking up at him; big blue eyes preparing for something.

" I wanna see her. Can I? Peeese?" Eli asked, his big eyes already sealing an answer; there was hardly any way he was going to say no to him.

" We will go see Olivia later okay? She needs to rest to." He brushed his hair back from his eyes.

" No. I want to go see her now." Eli put his tiny hand in Elliot's big one.

" Let him go see her El, he wants to and it might be good for him." Kathy spoke softly.

" Alright, we'll go see Olivia." He relented, not missing the glance exchanged between his older children.

Scooping Eli up to his hip he stood and crossed the room, the other kids trailed behind him. They made their way up the stairs to Olivia's room; his heart pounding. He swallowed as they reached the door, it was partially open; Melinda was sitting with her.

" Knock, Knock." He tapped the door and both women glanced up.


	7. Chapter 7

She glanced up, recognizing Elliot's voice. Her partner held his son on his hip, Eli was peeking at her curiously. The other kids circled behind him, Maureen hung back by her Mom. She smiled as Eli poked his dad's shoulder, Elliot stepped into the room.

" Hey Olivia, somebody wanted to come say hi." Elliot smiled, settling in the chair beside the bed. The kids perched on the end of the bed.

" Hi Eli, how are you feeling?" She smiled at the little boy perched on his father's lap.

" Hi Livia." He squirmed towards the edge of El's lap. Then little arms reached towards her, her heart lurched.

Carefully she offered her own hands, not trusting her arms to support his weight. Elliot guided him towards the bed and he jumped; she lost her breath when he landed against her chest. His arms slipped around her and her throat tightened.

She looked at Elliot, there was so much pain in his face; finally she looked back to the boy nestled against her. He was so thin, and light, yet his arms were squeezing her. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

He looked up at her with beautiful blue eyes, he was such a precious child. " Thanks for making me feel better."

"I'm glad I could help Eli, really glad." She pulled him tight.

" If I get sick again will you help me? I don't want Daddy to worry more." Eli whispered into her chest, before glancing up.

" Of course I will. Any time you don't feel well and you tell your mom or dad you don't feel good they'll take you to the doctor. If you need help I'll be there as soon as I can be. I won't let you get sick like that again." She rested her cheek against the top of his head, he just snuggled into her.

" Promise?"

She blinked back her tears, no child should worry about getting sick; or his parents worrying about him. " I promise."

He snuggled into her, curling his hand above her heart. For a moment he was still, she wasn't sure what he was looking at until his fingers reached for her arm. Olivia watched his fingers explore the port in her arm. " Whats this do?"

" It makes it so the doctor can get anything they need from me, or give me medicine." Olivia glanced at Melinda, not wanting to worry him.

" Does it hurt?" Eli asked, rubbing his thumb over the open end of the port.

" No, I don't even know when they put it in." She smoothed his hair back with her free hand.

" If Eli gets sick again do you have to have that put in again?" She looked up surprised, the question came from Elizabeth sitting on the end of the bed.

She wasn't sure how to answer, Olivia glanced over at Melinda. " The doctor will help Olivia so that she can have something like that but it won't be in the way for her. It won't hurt her."

" Eli is going to be fine Elizabeth, the doctors will take care of him; he is going to be okay. Lets leave Olivia alone, her body is her business." Kathy spoke up, putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

" It was just a question mom, it looks cool." Elizabeth answered shrugging her mom's hand off.

" Its okay Elizabeth, do you want to look?" She asked, feeling bad that the girl was just curious.

Olivia offered her arm and Elizabeth immediately moved to look at it; Melinda leaned in explaining it to her softly. Kathy looked on worriedly. " Sorry Liv."

" Its okay, she is just interested." She gave the blonde a reassuring smile.

" I know, she thinks she's going to be a nurse." Kathy's smile came close to being believable.

" I don't think mom. I'm going to be a nurse. I'm just not old enough to go to college." Elizabeth retorted rolling her eyes; everyone chuckled.

Olivia looked between Kathy and Elliot, both looked exhausted, the kids looked only slightly better. This had been a long haul for everyone. " When do you get to go home Eli?"

" I dunno, when the doctor say I can." He shrugged, his tiny hand in hers; holding it as if to compare the size.

" End of the week, not much longer. He is out of the woods for the infection; its just making sure he is strong enough. I'm going to take leave when he comes home so El can go back to work; he's spent enough time here. Plus the new precinct sends him home at a decent hour so he actually can spend time with the kids." Kathy told her, moving to balance on the arm of Elliot's chair.

" That's something SVU never could quite manage."

" Meh, you coulda' kept him. Now he's home policing us." Dickie added, grinning at his dad; clearly aware he was going to get away with it. "Kathleen and Maureen are lucky they moved out."

" You're not staying at home for the summer?" She turned to Maureen, the oldest Stabler was only a year away from finishing her degree; she had assumed she would move home for the summer to save money.

" I am right now, but I've lined up a job as a counsollor at a kids camp for the summer so I'll only be home the odd week end. You only worrying about me or has Kathleen wormed her way out of the house too?" Maureen asked.

" Kathleen hasn't talked to you?" She glanced at Elliot and Kathy; Elliot shook his head.

" I told her to ask you if it was okay if she stayed with me for a while. Cragen doesn't want to see my face for another two weeks and even then I'll get desked. Doctor said I need someone to stay with me, I didn't want to inconvenience anybody and I thought Kathleen might like the space. I told her to check with you first." Olivia winced, now she was practically stealing their kid.

" Don't worry about it, Kathleen can make her own decisions; we'll track her down eventually. Anyway if she wants to stay with you we'll just make her mad if we interfear."Elliot shrugged it off.

" Thats fine Olivia, but if she gives you any trouble please let us know. Do you know where she is?" Kathy added sounding slightly concerned, she wanted to groan.

" Uh yea, she went with Fin, they were going to pick up some of her stuff and drop by my place to get my car and some clothes for me to wear home. The doctor is releasing me tonight. I'm sorry I thought she would talk to you." She closed her eyes, tightening her grip on Eli; this was going great.

" Dont worry about it, but are you crazy? Kathleen driving your car? Liv you should show that car some respect, couldn't Fin have given you a ride home?" Elliot sat up a little straighter, she was relieved that he was more concerned about his kid driving the car than the fact she had weaselled his kid.

" Its just a car and Fin needs some sleep before he starts his shift. She'll be fine to drive here, I'll drive back to my place."

" What kind of car?" Dickie asked, now interested in the conversation.

" A 1965 mustang convertible." Elliot replied; she watched as Dickie's jaw dropped.

" Thats so cool. Why are you letting Kathleen drive it?" The teenager was interested, Olivia sighed she did like her car but she trusted Kathleen.

" Because she has agreed to put up with me so that the doctor will let me go home. I'll take the chance and trust her with my car." She pushed herself up better, jostling Eli a little; he looked up at her.

" Leen is going to live with you?"

" Only for a little while buddy, then she will come home." She reassured him.

" Why?" He asked, his eyes still melting her heart.

" Because I live alone and I would like a friend with me." Olivia told him gently, Elliot giving her a eye roll over his head; everyone else in the room knew it was more of an order.

" Can I come see you and Leen?" Eli asked, glancing towards his mom.

" Of course you can come to my house, if your parents say its okay." She told him, the little guy nodded his head and leaned back against her. He was such a precious little boy.


	8. Chapter 8

The Stablers left once Eli fell asleep in her arms, Elliot had scooped him up carefully; and the family had followed their dad out. She was glad to see that El seemed closer to his kids; they were ragging him more.

Dr Miller turned up shortly after, Melinda stayed beside her as the doctor poked and prodded. The port came out of her arm, the catheter was removed too. Finally free of all tubes and wires she was relieved to sign the release papers.

Kathleen turned up at the window and she changed into street clothes for the first time in two weeks. She walked out of the hospital between Melinda and Kathleen; after making sure the later checked in with her parents. She held out her hand and Kathleen forked over the keys, her car looked none the less for wear.

" Can we stop and get food? You have absolutely no food in your house." Kathleen asked.

" Sure, but I haven't been home in two weeks so yes my fridge is empty."

" True but I saw Melinda give Fin your gun; you went to the hospital from work. You weren't planning to stay the night until you saw Eli. Do you live off of take out?" Kathleen looked at her as they pulled out into traffic.

" Okay, maybe I do but my hours are crazy and when I buy food it has a tendency to go bad before I'm home to eat it. We'll pick up some groceries." She rolled her eyes as Kathleen turned to look at her; if she didn't play her cards right she was going to get a lecture on eating from a kid.

It was an hour before they got back to her apartment, she was starting to feel the time she had spent on her feet. She showed Kathleen the guest bedroom, aware the girl had probably already snooped around a bit; she was wearing the clothes the girl brought her. She just hoped Kathleen didn't do to much snooping.

Once her groceries were put away she was relieved to flop out on the couch. Her eyes had just closed as she heard Kathleen's foot steps coming back towards the living room. " You hungry? I can make something."

" I can cook Kathleen, if you're hungry go ahead and make something. I think I'm just going to go to bed." Olivia pushed herself off the couch and headed for her room.

" Okay."

She relaxed on her bed, it felt wonderful to be home in her own bed. For a few minutes she just stared at the ceiling, turning her head to look at her bathroom; she wanted a shower. It felt wonderful to strip down and step under the hot water; alone.

Tipping her head back she let the water pound over her, it felt so good, rubbing her hands over her skin washing off the filth of the hospital and the past. Olivia stood under the water for a long time, enjoying the peace.

When she got out and went into her room she heard Kathleen banging on the door. " Just a minute Kathleen, I'm getting dressed."

" Its Melinda, I want to talk to you. Kathleen is on your couch watching some dating show."

" Alright just a minute." Olivia called back, sighing as she wrapped her robe around herself and opened the door. " I thought I just lost you for a while."

" You wish, I needed to talk to your doctor for a bit and now I want to talk to you. Olivia I want you to list me as your physician, I am still licensed to practice in New York." Melinda shut the door and sat on the edge of her bed.

" Why?" She sat next to her stunned.

" Because Olivia I've been doing my research, as has Dr Miller; we think it would be better if you and Eli were treated by separate parties. Look I know you, you aren't going to walk away from that kid; next time you hear he is sick I know you'll be there.

You don't want to do this again, especially if you don't have to. I talked to you about a permanent port but that requires maintenance and monitoring. How often do you go more than a week without seeing me?" Melinda explained, pulling a page from her purse.

" Yes but Melinda why now? What difference does it really make?" She watched Melinda unfold the paper.

" Because of this, if Eli is monitored close enough and receives small regular doses of medicine and blood and doesn't get sick for a year he qualifies to have the replacement surgery. Take your bone marrow put it in his bones so that its all he has.

His body doesn't see its DNA in the blood again and he has a normal immune response. It means he would have two strands of DNA, his in his tissues and yours in his blood. Its a experimental program and would take two years best possible scenario; but more likely five.

It may be the best answer for Eli but it could be dangerous. I want you to think about it first, if you agree then we bring it to the Stablers. This is a new program, its one of latest out; it follows the same case that has been used as a base the entire time. That was entirely successful." Melinda offered her the paper.

Olivia read the description and treatment plan on the sheet, realizing Melinda had cut it out of a book. " Still why you? You have a full time job at the morgue that keeps you busy enough. Plus a family, Melinda you have enough on your plate." She sighed, the first paragraph was about all she could understand, it was medical terms.

" I want you safe and monitored, Olivia I know you, you wont look out for yourself and I want to make sure you're okay. I want you as my patient, I will have time and I can find space to take care of you.

I want your best interests looked out for and respected; you know I will." Melinda's eyes were pleading with her.

" Okay, fine but as long as you cooperate with Dr Miller." She agreed, not fully understanding.

" I will, I just I want you safe; I owe you that." Melinda took her hand.

" You don't owe me anything Melinda and I do trust you."

" I want to do this Olivia, and I want you to trust me with this. I promise I'll take care of you, I will work this with Sonya Miller and between us we'll get Eli out on his own." Melinda sighed, she looked as if a weight had been lifted off of her.

" I trust you, I just don't quite understand your urgency."

" I'm urgent because this started when he got sick the first time. For him to qualify he has to stay healthy for a year Liv, he is on the mend; we need to keep him that way. Think how often little kids get colds or the flu; he can't." Melinda squeezed her hand.

There was a soft knock on the door, Kathleen peeked her head in. "Are you talking about Eli?"

Melinda glanced at her, Olivia just nodded and patted the bed beside her. " Yes."

" Is there something they aren't telling mom and dad?" Kathleen came and crawled across the bed.

" No, we are just thinking forward. Eli is doing okay and he'll go home soon. But we have to keep ahead of it, that means keeping Liv ready." Melinda turned to include Kathleen in the conversation.

" Does that include her diet?" Kathleen poked her.

" Yes, we'll have to wean her off her takeout fix, get her to eat regularly and healthier." Melinda smiled making Kathleen laugh.

" I just love being talked over. I'll work on my diet. Anything else doctor?" Olivia rolled her eyes at both of them; this was going to be an interesting team.

" Yea once Eli is approved for the experimental treatment we'll get you started on a med regimen some will be for your body and others will be preps." Melinda explained to both of them.

" Why can't Eli take them himself?"

" Olivia's body will break them down to useful sub units; his body will use them more efficiently. It will also prep him for when we make the switch. Its similar to the methods used to treat some strands of leukaemia." Melinda told them.

"Cool."

" Look, I don't want to take your whole night. I just wanted to talk to you Olivia; make sure you would agree." The dark woman shifted, stuffing the page back in her purse and standing up.

" No, don't worry about it; thanks for your help." Olivia stood to walk her out, leaving Kathleen on the bed.

She saw Melinda out and then went back to her room. Kathleen was still on the bed, watching her intently. Olivia found a pair of sweats and went into the bathroom to change. When she came out Kathleen was still there, she could feel the girl's eyes on her.

" Olivia, why are you going through with this?" Kathleen was studying her, Olivia lay back on the bed beside her; Kathleen rolled up to look at her.

" Because I can." She eyed the girl who seemed so serious.

" That's not what I mean Olivia."

" I know, but Kathleen I've spent a lot of time alone and I've lived my life. There is no reason I should be afraid of a little pain when it could help a little boy who has people who love him very much. Everyone deserves a chance to live." She watched Kathleen, there was something more going on in her head.

" Why didn't you have a family? You'd be a good mom." Kathleen asked.

" I like kids, but with work I just don't have a stable enough home environment. I don't know." She also didn't know what half of her DNA would do to a child; even if Simon was okay she wasn't sure.

" Did you ever want to get married?"

" What is this about?" She looked at Kathleen, in all seriousness the kid was thinking about something.

" Mom and dad have been married twenty three years, Maureen is twenty three; they got married because she got pregnant. They've stayed together through most of it, they really relied on each other through this. But I wonder if its just time, you know they've learned to lean on each other? Did Dad just marry mom to do right by her?" Kathleen sighed, before continuing quietly. " I wonder if I'll ever find somebody I want to spend my life with; I'm don't like being alone. Does it get any easier?"

"Oh honey, its not that simple. You are so young, you'll find somebody but first you need to be content with yourself. Your parents love each other and you guys. Make friends but don't rely on them for a relationship; just enjoy it." Olivia took her hand, no one should worry about being alone; not in their twenties.

" But don't you want family? Do you think you could raise a kid on your own, I mean I know its harder but..."

" Woah stop right there, give yourself time; don't even think that yet. I think a single parent can raise a child just as well as couple given the right situation. Personally I want a family I just don't know that I could provide a good home; if I had a child I would do everything I had to." Olivia gently soothed her, the kid needed to relax and let time play out.

" Yea but life goes by so fast, I don't want to miss my chances."

" Kathleen I'm a lot closer to missing my chances than you are, you are just a kid; stop worrying. Your parents married young you don't have to and someday you will know. Now tell me why you are worrying about all this?" She rolled onto her stomach; forcing Kathleen to look at her.

"Your doctor kind of said that you were doing this cuz nobody would miss you. I know its not true but in a sense it kind of is. I guess I just started to think, after the last couple years I don't know that I want to settle down. And then Dad couldn't even come in your room, he's spent more time with you than us for years; Mom cries when we talk about it." Kathleen confessed.

"Listen to me, I chose to do what I did because if I can help some one; I will. Nothing else matters, you don't need to worry about me. You live your life however you want to, I have very little impact on that. I will talk to your parents.

I just want a little boy to have his life, and if I can be a part of that I will; even if it is a long term commitment. Your parents need time to adjust, and I think you do too. Relax and enjoy life for a little while; we all need some down time." Olivia soothed her, feeling a little overwhelmed; she had a feeling she knew what had upset Melinda now.

Still as she rolled over to go to sleep her mind kept going, as it did over the next two weeks. It was a whirlwind of getting ready to go back to work, having a port put in permanently. Talking with both Melinda and Eli's doctor and laying out a plan. Soothing Kathleen and cuddling Eli; it filled her time and kept her busy. But an end was in sight.

Kathy brought Eli over to play and his sister eventually pried him away to go down to look at her car. She had her first real chance alone with either Stabler; she knew she was being ducked and understood it. With the kids gone there was a moment of awkwardness where neither of them knew what to say; she hadn't realized how hard it would be.

Suddenly the blond moved to sit beside her, she offered her hand; still unsure what to say. Then Kathy wrapped her arms around her, Olivia froze for a moment before returning the gesture. Still as she held the woman tight she found peace and answers that words couldn't convey; the pain and fear they both understood.

**The End**

**Sorry to those who wanted more but I lost my motivation for this one, check out my new story Maternal Instincts; goal of chapter going up daily:) **

**Thanks for the reviews and support.**

**Deea**


	9. Chapter 9

**So this is for meyou744. Personally I don't know how well this works but its my attempt and pure fluff; mostly just reflections on Elliot's part. This one is totally done.**

Epilogue

Elliot stared, his wife and best friend were down the beach with his youngest son. Eli was almost nine now, he dangled from one arm of each woman; it was strange how much life had changed. It had been a roller coaster the last five years with ups and down that had nearly devastated them.

Yet Olivia had always been true to her word, even in the middle of the night and putting off her own career for him. It had taken a long time and two more bouts with Eli being hospitalized for him to truly make peace.

His son's life was something he couldn't make even with her or pay her back for but he could accept . It was something he had needed to do, thirteen years she had been his best friend and at odds with Kathy. But once they came home and Eli begged for a trip to see Olivia Kathy had taken him and something had changed.

His wife had spent years in envy of Olivia, barely knowing her but ready to hate her with any incentive. When she helped Kathleen a door had been presented; after his partner spent two weeks in a coma it changed. His wife had been able to accept who Olivia was and her values in life and friendship that her fears over the years had no ground.

Still as they drew close he had struggled with the reality of it and how fragile it was. His child's life had hinged on her, after the first time they brought him home he had spent weeks in a daze; hardly believing it could last.

Yet only six months later he had relapsed but Olivia had been there the same night, this time they hadn't put her under. She came and went from the hospital as an outpatient, stopping to talk to Eli every time she came in; giving him a little hope. He didn't get as sick that time.

After that it had become less awkward, it wasn't watching her as a ghost of herself but as the person he knew. She was fighting for his son and holding him close; his entire family. Two weeks after they brought Eli home again he ended up at her door, minus his family.

It was about the first time he had been alone with her, truly alone that was; they had talked. He had talked more and she had listened but it opened a door; she was quickly becoming part of his family even then.

Slowly she was integrated, his kids inviting her to birthdays and family diners, every year she came for Eli's birthday but others she missed; the reality was she was still with the unit. Moving slowly through the ranks, taking the Sargent's exam and then as Munch and Cragen retired taking the lead.

They laughed that she lead an entirely new unit the same age as his daughters; only Fin remained from when he had worked with her. But he knew she was good at the job and the rare time she had off was more and more spent with his family, and his wife; which was good for both of them.

Still this was a first time they had really gotten out to do something since the transplant, the entire crew together on the beach. Olivia, Kathleen and Maureen had all negotiated out of work, he had since taken his retirement completely; family took more and more importance to him. Kathy was still on round shifts, they had planned it around her schedule and bribed Dickie into it with the promise that he could drive Olivia's car with his twin.

Now his family spread across the beach, all three of his daughters were sunbathing down the beach and Dickie was out in the water with a knee board. His wife and Olivia had Eli out of the water. He tried not to cringe at the outfits his daughters wore but the fact Olivia had stripped down to a similar outfit; his battle was lost before it began.

Yet he had to cringe as he watched them come back towards the towels. Olivia and Eli had matching scars from the last run in; more than three years ago. He had fought back on his own until his kidneys failed.

Olivia had gone under the knife to give him a chance. They both had fought a long recovery and now the scars were faded but a permanent reminder of the fight that was now years quiet. Still Elliot struggled with it, almost every day, every time he hugged his child.

He could cope in a way, relax in a sense as he could trust someone would be there for his own child. The fear didn't rule his life anymore and it didn't threaten his family. He could accept the fading threat.

The doctors grew more confident as time passed, Melinda kept Olivia ready but the need had not come. Still he now understood how life could change in a heart beat. It wasn't something he could leave at work, it wasn't something that was a part of the job anymore.

His family was lucky, he was lucky and he knew it. He made a point of showing it, to his family and to her. It was hard to show it to her, not in the sense that it might make Kathy jealous anymore but more to make her accept it.

Kathy had developed a friendship with her and it had taken time but he knew they talked about it all; Olivia would even let Kathy check the port if she had pulled it when working and it happened every so often. In that sense he knew they had their own balance.

He struggled even though they talked. There were times when it frustrated him to no end, he wanted to protect his family; and provide for them. But even letting Olivia into that wasnt as hard as trying to express it to her.

There was no way to explain his feelings to her, and no way to go back; their friendship had been forever changed. They both had to acknowledge it and deal with the changes. He had to accept that his daughters looked to her as a role model, his son respected her courage and she was a second mother to his youngest.

As his wife flopped down beside him, he couldn't help but smile, Kathy was warm from the sun and radiant; it was good to see her happy. Olivia sat beside her, pulling a t shirt over her bikini, clearly they were done in the water for now.

Dickie however was out and chasing Eli, his sons tore across the beach; the older forcing the younger into the shallows. Before the little one dodged around him and came tearing towards them. Elliot laughed as he watched them come, Eli was fast ducking behind him and Elliot found himself being used as a shield before the boy ducked down to try it with his mother.

A squeal told him things had not gone as planned, he looked over to see Eli stretched over both Olivia and Kathy's laps; Dickie dive bombed the sand in front of them tickling his little brother. Everyone was laughing and tickling as their little angel tried to escape; it was just right. Olivia belonged with them,as a part of their family where no one else could fit; and she knew it.

He watched as her face lit up with Eli's squirming, the little boy ended up settled between the two women and the three exchanged soft words; both women glowing. As he watched the scene before him Olivia looked up and met his eyes; he felt his smile grow.

That had been hours earlier, now he was driving the van back, Olivia was in the passenger seat dozing while Eli and his wife slept in the back; everyone else had split off into separate vehicles. He knew she was only half asleep, and if anything happened she would react in an instant; still he had a slight advantage.

" Thanks Liv, for everything." He spoke softly, but her eyes flickered; he knew she had heard every word.

" We decided a long time ago that we don't need to talk about that. But I had a really good day, I think everybody else did too." Her head rolled, he didn't need to look over to see he was getting a look; he had got it thousands of times when they worked together.

" I know but sometimes I just need to say it. Especially when I watch my son discovering something new."

" Do you remember years ago, when I told you I would give you a kidney if you needed one? Even back then that offer was extended to every member of your family. They are a part of you and you need them; you needed them even when you were away.

I will do anything to let you keep that, then now and any day in the future. El you are a part of my family, just as Cragen, Munch and Fin were. But I don't need to be reminded that our relationship is special; it always has been." Olivia's voice was as it always was, soothing and safe; it was why he struggled with seeing her in a hospital bed, it was so out of context compared to who she was.

" My family is yours and you know that. My kids look to you as much as me and you have always been there; even in times I haven't. Liv I can't put what that means into words...its just not possible." Elliot glanced over at her, wishing he didn't have to focus on the road.

" I know and I wish you would stop trying; I know. Lets just enjoy health and good times, today was a really good day. I decided a long time ago, before any of this that if I can I will; that was my choice then and I've lived it with no regrets." Her hand briefly touched his arm and he nodded; it had been a good day, in so many ways.


End file.
